Day 96

Today was harder than yesterday. I think the emotions are beginning to catch up with me. This is an intense learning experience, a good one, but intense nonetheless. The days start early, but I’ve been in a super good mood every morning. I’m just overworrying about my part in a group presentation tomorrow that caused a small anxiety attack that I managed to keep quiet. I’ll get through this, I know, and I have so much to look forward to in the coming weeks. Plus I have an amazing cohort that sings and dances to contemporary Jewish music, inspiring even the professor to join in. That’s pretty incredible and I love that I’m part of this.

Someone told me last month that they were impressed by my ability to know how much I can take on, mentally and emotionally, and when I need to take time for myself. It’s a skill that took me a long time to learn, but I have no doubt that it’s played a significant part in how I’m dealing with the aftermath of so much loss. It also helps that I have an incredible support system who understand that and check on me.

I’ve been coming back to the dorms after class. I’ve done some exploring, but after an intense day of learning and then dealing with crowded subway cars, I need time to decompress. I need to get into my pajamas, talk and text with people I love, and just let myself be and I’m okay with that.