Day 97

I think today was the single best day of a graduate-level class that I’ve ever attended. The presentation went well and I am so in awe of the other educators in this cohort.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my fears. I wouldn’t say I’m a risk-taker, but I have taken a few leaps of faith in the past; sometimes they’ve worked out and sometimes I’ve just fallen on my face. I’ve been more cautious in the last year, for a lot of reasons. I worry that I’ve let my fears get in the way of experiences and opportunities, but I just keep telling myself that I don’t need to compare my “progress” (whatever that means) to other people and things have a way of happening at just the right time.

I’ve also been wondering a lot about how my mom would react to the new relationship in my life. I’ve never cared enough for anyone to introduce them to her and now that I do, it’s not possible anymore. I wonder about what advice she would give me, whether she’d do more than give a tight smile and speak in an uncharacteristically soft voice, what she would say to me after he left, if maybe she would open up, even the tiniest bit, and tell me about a past relationship. I never got to share those moments with her, but at least I have people that I am sharing this with. It’s not quite the same, but I am grateful for them.