Tonight is the night I give my d’var Torah on my JewV’Nation Fellowship experience and how I feel in the community as a Jew of Color.
Today started at 4:30 am. By 6 am, I had already gone through a dress crisis and a fear-induced crying fit. I don’t think I anticipated just how anxious I am. People keep telling me that I’ll be speaking in front of a friendly crowd. I don’t think they realize that the prospect of getting up in front of a crowd of white people as a person of color and, essentially, calling them out is terrifying, especially since I work here.
I will be fine. I am speaking from the heart and have clergy support. I need to do this, not for me or the rabbis or even the congregation. I need to do this for any Jew of Color who may be watching.
I am taking deep breaths before I dive in.