As difficult and scary as this year has been, it has been a pretty transformative year, maybe not in the ways I was hoping or expecting, but that’s okay. My psychologist and psychiatrist have been commenting on how proud they are of me for handling everything this year has thrown at me. My mom’s oncologists have mentioned how lucky my mom is to have me for support and it just feels weird. Like, what else would I do? I love my mom and she’s put up with so much from me and life in general. It never crossed my mind to not help her. Sure, it’s been hard and there have been moments when I resent being an only child with unhelpful extended family, but it’s never been a question of whether or not I would support her. I worry sometimes that I’m not helping enough and I’m failing her, but I know I’m doing the best I can. My mom pushed me through my darkest days and I hope I’m providing even a small flame of light for her.