My sleeping habits have always been all over the place, but lately, as soon as my head hits the pillow, my eyes get very heavy and I realize just how tired I really am. Still, it’s not like I’m able to fall asleep right away. My thoughts at bedtime tend to overwhelm me and it’s hard to rein them in.
Lately I’ve noticed that when I attend services, the same thing happens: my thoughts start to overwhelm me and I become emotional, trying desperately not to cry. I think bedtime and services are similar in that I become more vulnerable, letting my guard down and things that I’ve tried hard not to think about flood my mind.
I’ve had plenty of practice putting up facades and denying my true feelings and, ultimately, my true self. It’s only within the last few years I’ve learned how to put that aside and present my genuine self. This Elul, I want to continue that journey and sharing my thoughts on this blog is part of that.