Happy Birthday, Mom

Dear Mom,

You would have been 79 years old today. I’ve been thinking about you a lot over the last couple of months. My own mental health has been shaky lately and I’ve wanted to just pick up the phone to call you. But you’re not here and I disconnected your cell phone over two years ago now. I miss you so much. 

Mother’s Day was yesterday and I talked with Eliza about you. I told her how much you loved dogs and how you would have spoiled her. I want to make sure she knows who you are and she even said “Grandma” for the first time this weekend. I often wonder what advice you would have given me. Eliza is such a ball of joyful energy and I love watching her grow, even when I’m totally exhausted. 

Yesterday was bittersweet. I’m a mom now, not only to Eliza, but also a bonus mom to Tinnin and Oliver. All three kids are such beautiful humans and I’m so lucky to be able to watch them grow. But I miss you terribly and wish you were here. 

I’m especially proud of the relationships I have with Tinnin and Oliver. Becoming a bonus mom was never on my radar and I was so nervous because I wanted them to know that I wasn’t trying to replace their mom or come in between them and their papa. They easily welcomed me in and I am in constant awe of them. 

And what can I say about our sweet Eliza? Her language has exploded in the last several weeks and she is the silliest, happiest little girl. I’m so sorry I didn’t get married or have children until after you died. That is one of my biggest regrets, but I know you would be so happy for me. 

I miss you, Mom. I miss your voice and your laughter. I miss watching you working fervently on a crossword and hugging our beloved dogs. I just miss everything about you. 

But I know you wouldn’t want me dwelling on the past and how much I miss you. That’s why I’m trying to be a good mom and live a life that you would be proud of. That’s why I restarted therapy and am working on getting better, not just because you would want that, but because I need to do it for my family. 

I love you so much. Please give Bowser, Roxy, Jack, and Maxine the biggest hug from me. 

Love,

Anjelica