One of the things that worried me about coming back to work was the fear that I would start crying at random times and in front of people. It hasn’t been an issue so far for the most part. I’ve certainly teared up but I haven’t broken down.
I had orientation for my latest round of grad school today. I enjoyed it and it was a distraction, at least until the end. The director of the program asked us to write down what we hope to accomplish in the next two years as we go through the program. We all wrote this in a card that will be sent to her and it will be given back to us at graduation.
When she mentioned graduation, I nearly lost it because it dawned on me that this will be one of many life milestones that my mom will not be here for. I won’t see her face at graduation, she won’t see me get married (if that ever happens), I won’t be able to go to her for advice if and when I have children, and so much more. It was overwhelming to acknowledge that. I can’t even imagine how I’m going to feel when her birthday comes in May or on Mother’s Day or the holidays.
I’m just trying to get through each day because that’s all I have the energy for right now.