Day 19

I had a live session for my grad class today. Everything I had read immediately left my brain and I was the only person who didn’t speak during the entire session. Mind you, there were six students and the professor, so it’s not like I could hide. I don’t understand why my brain is not working and I’m worried that this will be like this for the entirety of the class.

I had to ask for help today with something that is totally embarrassing but vital. I’ve never been so mortified in my life, but I do at least feel somewhat better. My life is just one mess after another and I’m tired.

I keep thinking that I want to go home, but where is home? Temple is definitely my home away from home, but my apartment doesn’t feel like a true home, though that could be because it still looks like I just moved in and I don’t have a dining table. I just feel lost.

My 10 year conversion anniversary is next week and I am looking forward to that. It’s going to be live-streamed and friends from all over the country will be watching. In a way, marking this anniversary is even more important now that Mom is gone.