I’ve been thinking a lot about high school lately, which surprises me. High school isn’t exactly a universally loved time in one’s life, but it was pretty terrible period in my life where my depression nearly suffocated me. I’ve spent a lot of energy trying not to rehash those memories over and over, as I am prone to do. As much as I dislike the idea of combing through those years, maybe it’s finally time to make peace. I’m at a good place in my life right now mentally and I feel strong enough to finally look back.
It’s funny how much time and energy I’ve spent trying not to think about the past when my faith spends just as much compelling us to remember. At Passover we are told to retell the story, as if we ourselves were slaves. That doesn’t mean that Judaism wants us to dwell in the past, however. Judaism, from my perspective, simply wants us to keep the past in mind as we move forward, otherwise we risk repeating mistakes.
This all stems from me and my overactive, overthinking mind trying to make sense of this crush thing. I do not want to feel like 14-year-old Anjelica, awkward and naive, and yet here we are.