it’s been just over four years since I was sexually assaulted while on a date. I chose not to report it, for many reasons, and I also had to deal with unresolved emotions about being sexually assaulted as a child. It’s something I don’t talk or write about very often because it only leads to me wondering if I’ll ever have a normal relationship. Unfortunately, I was forced to remember everything all over again due to my proximity to someone who has been accused of sexual assault and misconduct. I thought I had mostly healed those wounds, but clearly they are still fresh enough to cause a near panic attack and tears. I didn’t expect to be so affected by this.
I suppose it doesn’t help that I’m pretty certain I fucked up an opportunity to date someone. I’ve just been so distracted by everything going on with my mom and trying to keep it together. I wonder if I’ll ever be in a relationship, if my dating life will even remotely resemble my peers’ romantic lives.