To My Two-nado
Eliza had a birthday blessing in front of the Torah ark yesterday and I wrote this letter to her.
Dear Eliza,
You will be turning two tomorrow and I just can’t believe that the tiny newborn I held is now a very active, joyful little girl who loves powered donuts, roaring like a dinosaur and getting into the water. The past two years have been full of segmented sleep, over worrying, and fretting, but they have also been filled with the most sweetness and light. I have learned and am still learning how to be more patient and gentle, when to step in and when to stay back (though this is always a work in progress), and have delighted in watching you discover the world in your own way. As I sing to you every night, you are truly my sunshine.
I have been struggling lately with my mental health and the weight of trying to balance work, life, and being a wife and mother and there are many days when I worry that I’m not doing enough or being enough for everyone I love. But you have this way of pulling me back into the moment, whether it’s grabbing my hand to follow you, excitedly pointing out a dog, or asking for another book to be read and it has grounded me. You remind me that joy and exhaustion can exist at the same time, that wonder can still be found in the most ordinary of moments, and that love is in even the smallest and most repetitive of tasks: bedtime songs, making your lunch, singing “Sana sana colita de rana” when you get a boo-boo, and even Eliza-proofing the comms office in the morning.
I love seeing how brave and unapologetically yourself you are. You are curious and stubborn, yet open to the world. I love watching you run around Temple like you own the place, climbing onto the bimah without hesitation, and waving at everyone like you’re already friends. It is so meaningful to watch you feel completely at home in a space and community that has held me in the most devasting and happiest of times.
My greatest hope is that you always hold onto that sense of belonging and joy. I want you to move through the world with kindness and courage, steadfast in your beliefs and who you are, I want you to never lose your sense of wonder and to always know how loved you are by so many people simply because you are you.
Thank you for making me your mama. Even on the hardest days, there’s no other place I’d rather be than beside you (or, more accurately, running after you), watching you grow into the beautiful little human you already are.
Love,
Mama