To Mom

Dear Mama,

You would have been 77 years old today. I miss you so much. 

I gave birth on Wednesday to a beautiful baby girl. I ended up having a c-section like you and I was so scared, but Stephen was right there with me and we had an amazing team of doctors, nurses, and techs who ensured a fast and safe delivery. We named the baby Eliza for both you and Stephen’s paternal grandmother. She’s perfect and I can hardly believe she came out of me. She’s currently in the NICU as a precaution but she’s doing so well and already shows a tenacious personality that makes us laugh.

My recovery is going slow but good overall. I’m not used to needing so much help, but everyone keeps reminding me that I just had major surgery and need to take it easy, so I’m trying to do that. It’s also been a steep learning curve with breastfeeding and caring for the baby when I visit. I worry that I’m not doing enough, that it’s my fault she’s in the NICU, that I’m fumbling too much when I change her diaper or feed her, but I know that I’m doing the best I can and I have an amazing partner who has been through this before and is patient with me. 

I wish you were here to hold her. I’ve already told her about you. I also told her about Maxine and I’m eager to see how Maxine reacts to this tiny human. When I hold Eliza, sometimes I sing to her. I remember you singing “You Are My Sunshine” to me when I was little and that’s what I’ve been singing to her too. She was fussing the other night and when I started singing softly, she calmed down. I remember you singing the verse “You make me happy when skies are gray” and I would ask you every time if I didn’t make you happy when the sky was blue too. You would laugh and shake your head and said I always made you happy. I don’t know why that’s stuck in my head.  

I miss you and I hope I can be half the mom to Eliza that you were to me. 

Love, 

Anjelica