Day 94

My head is full. Today was the first day of the summer course and it’s on modern Jewish thought, so it’s a pretty heavy subject to study in the course of five days. I am immensely enjoying being with the cohort and learning, so I’m content. I do feel overwhelmed and am battling imposter syndrome, but I’m grateful to be here.

As the anniversary of when my mom went into the hospital approaches, I find myself thinking about who I was a year ago. So much has changed in a year, it’s mind boggling. There have been many ups and downs, so much anticipatory and ongoing grief, and yet the world still spins on. My life is moving forward without my mom, which is good in a way. It means that I’m not stuck in a dark place. Don’t get me wrong, I struggle daily with depression that has the added weight of my mom’s death, but I’m not stagnant. I understand that I have to move forward from this tremendous loss and I’m trying. For the first time in a while, I’m actually full of hope and daring to think beyond getting through each day. That’s good.