Day 326

As of today, Mom has been gone for 11 months. It no longer feels like it was just yesterday that she died, it feels like oceans and oceans of time have passed, but it hasn’t even been a year yet. My fiancée asked me if the monthly anniversaries still affected me, which I realized it did not, at least not this month, perhaps because of the jet lag I’m feeling. 

I thought about her a lot while I was in Israel and cried for her too. She was always apprehensive whenever I went there and I can only imagine how she would have reacted to me going when there was an active conflict. She would have been pissed for sure, but she wouldn’t have tried to keep me from traveling. That’s how she was; she didn’t want to keep me from anything, but she would damn well make sure I knew how she felt about it. In turn, I would have created another elaborate system to make sure she was kept in the loop while I was away and would be taken care of if anything happened. 

Mama, I miss you so much.