Day 9

Things I didn’t expect:

  • The high cost of burying someone
  • Financial insecurity as I try to recover from paying out of pocket for my mom’s care
  • Anxiety as I wait for the death certificate that will allow me to access my mom’s assets and pay off debts
  • Guilt for needing to access those assets
  • Shame for how precarious my emotional and financial states are right now
  • Constant fear that Roxy, who was recently diagnosed with a second form of cancer, will die, leaving another gaping hole in my heart
  • An underlying fear that things will somehow get worse
  • The inability to get out of my apartment on the weekends because I just don’t have the energy

I just needed to write all this out because having it constantly floating around in my brain is making it even worse. I am just exhausted.

One comment

  1. Keep writing, talking, venting…whatever you need to do. But remember to keep breathing! And know there are a lot of people right there with you!????

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