Day 50
I feel like an empty shell, just going through the motions. I guess I’m still pretty tired despite getting more sleep the past few days.
The one thing that has brought me a lot of joy lately is seeing students finishing their conversions. One of them asked specifically for me to be a witness at the mikvah and that meant a lot.
My mom hated being in pictures and it was like yanking teeth trying to get her to pose for a photo. We never did any family portraits, so, for Mother’s Day a few years ago, I had someone draw a picture of us and our (then) four dogs. I always meant to get it custom framed for her and I never did. It’s one of the many regrets I have, especially since most of the figures in that portrait are now gone, Mom, Bowser, Jack, and Roxy, and there’s only two left, me and Maxine. I finally went to Michael’s today and chose the frame and matting. Better late than never, I guess, but I feel massive guilt.
And that’s all I have the energy for today.
Don’t look back at not framing it. Getting it framed now seems as a small piece of healing, a sign of positively moving forward! When I was mourning the loss of my parent, I recall a rabbi telling me that is one reason us Jews have the different time frames of the mourning process. The significance can also be you are “framing” your life and this sounds like one memory you want in your liked!