Day 11

The tenth anniversary of my conversion is at the end of the month. I met with Rabbi Kim in January to brainstorm how to mark the occasion and we decided on a short ceremony. We ended the meeting with a list of ideas and scheduled another meeting for March. Then Mom died.

When I met with Rabbi Kim at the end of February, it was to talk about my mom and what I wanted for her burial and memorial service. At the end I asked if it was appropriate for me to keep the plans to celebrate my anniversary since I’ll still be in shloshim. She encouraged me to move forward.

It just feels strange to be preparing for a milestone event without my mom in the world. I thought about cancelling the ceremony and just marking it as I do every year with a blog entry. But Mom would be mad at me if I did that because she never wanted to be the reason I didn’t do something. So, Rabbi Kim and I came up with way to acknowledge my loss and grief that also honors my mom.

I feel like I’m on a rollercoaster these days with how I seem to be okay one minute and crying my eyes out the next, but I guess that’s normal and to be expected.