I am an introvert. That means I listen more than I talk, I overanalyze everything, large crowds/ parties/ social gatherings drain me, and I recharge by being alone or with a few trusted friends. It also means that it’s difficult for me to just put myself out there and wear my heart on my sleeve because I don’t trust people as a whole enough to not take advantage of that and/or try to break me down.
So when I do take the considerable effort of being an open book or going beyond my comfort zone and I am shot down, it not only discourages me and makes me want to never do that again, it gives validation to the voice inside my head that whispers awful things about how I don’t measure up, I don’t deserve anything, I am a failure. Few people understand this and I’ve gotten plenty of lectures about how you have to take risks, let people in, blah, blah, blah. That’s fine for some people, but for me, an introvert living with depression, it only makes me feel more isolated and you can be damn sure I’ll never be asking advice from whoever says that to me.