Day 207

I did not make it to Yizkor as I had planned. In addition to being sick all day, I also didn’t want to put myself in such an emotionally vulnerable spot, especially since the person I would have wanted most to be with me couldn’t be there. I’ve been crying for Mom at various times the past few days and I’m just tired.

I just expected to have her here for certain milestones and events and she’s gone. If it weren’t for the handful of videos I have on my phone, I would have already forgotten what her voice sounds like. I miss her so much.

I once described her as an immovable boulder, weathering life’s curveballs while I am the soft, chalky stone that crumbles at the first hint of rain. It occurs to me that this is no longer the case. If nothing else, my mom instilled a stubborn persistance in me that has somehow gotten me through some pretty difficult times, something that will be needed in the months and years to come.


  1. I’m sorry you are feeling bad and emotional. It happens you will feel the loss more and more ,then at some point it doesn’t hurt so bad. It never really goes away, it does get better. I hope you are feeling better.

  2. Yom Kippur Machzor/Mishkan HaNefesh…pp.554,557,566,567
    Hope you get to feeling better. Know you are loved and cared for by many.

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