I posted my first TikTok last night (just typing that sentence makes me feel unbelievably old.) The tears finally caught up to me and I felt this indescribable need to share, which is unlike me and definitely wasn’t on my 2023 bingo chart. It just felt cathartic to be open about my grief. What I wasn’t expecting, however, was how many people would view and comment on it. All of the comments were kind and encouraging. I think I’m going to start documenting my journey that way as well.
I had my check-in with my psychiatrist this afternoon. I told him about how scared I am about my mental health because I feel like I haven’t cried like I’m supposed/need to. He said that could be due to my antidepressants doing their job and because I had started grieving her before she physically died, which is true. He also told me to remember that I am much stronger than I give myself credit for, that I’ve gone through a lot and survived. I’m trying to remember that, but it’s hard and I’m tired.