Day 19

I had a live session for my grad class today. Everything I had read immediately left my brain and I was the only person who didn’t speak during the entire session. Mind you, there were six students and the professor, so it’s not like I could hide. I don’t understand why my brain is not working and I’m worried that this will be like this for the entirety of the class.

I had to ask for help today with something that is totally embarrassing but vital. I’ve never been so mortified in my life, but I do at least feel somewhat better. My life is just one mess after another and I’m tired.

I keep thinking that I want to go home, but where is home? Temple is definitely my home away from home, but my apartment doesn’t feel like a true home, though that could be because it still looks like I just moved in and I don’t have a dining table. I just feel lost.

My 10 year conversion anniversary is next week and I am looking forward to that. It’s going to be live-streamed and friends from all over the country will be watching. In a way, marking this anniversary is even more important now that Mom is gone.


  1. It takes time to grieve. Give yourself the time, it will be ok. Celebrating your 10 year anniversary will be a good step. We are with you all the way.

  2. If you haven’t already, you might want to let your professor know what you’re going through. They are usually pretty understanding.

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