This is 39

I’m 39 years old today and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little intimidated by the fact that I’m in the last year of my thirties. This hasn’t been the kindest of decades for me, at least in the first half, but it has brought me the most growth and the most joy. 

I’ve been thinking about my mom a lot lately. I miss her so much and wish she could see my life now. I know I keep saying this, but I hope she would be proud of me. I’m married to a kind and loving man who makes me laugh every day and we have a beautiful family. 

I have been struggling with my mental health lately and I have started therapy again. As I told my new therapist, there is so much more at stake this time around and I have a family to take care of and be here for. While some part of me feels shame for needing therapy again, I am proud that I am taking care of myself in the way Mom would have wanted. 

For this last year of my thirties, I simply hope for more memories and adventures with my family and friends. I want to bask in watching Eliza and her siblings grow into the remarkable human beings they already are. I want to keep appreciating the small things Stephen does that show his unconditional love for me. I want to hug my friend and tell them how much they mean to me. I just want to continue living this full and beautiful life. 

Here’s to another year!