Happy New Year!

I’ve been thinking a lot about Mom lately. Today marks three years since she began the last phase of her life in the care home where she died. It was right before Rosh Hashanah 5783 and I was in such a poor state of mind at that time. I knew that Mom was in her last months of life, even if I refused to acknowledge it out loud. I had little hope for that new year, but my friends and community kept me afloat during that devastating time. I’ve come to view my mom’s slow health decline, which began in 2020 after the traumatic brain injury she sustained in a work accident, as her last act of love and protection. I was able to deepen my relationship with the community and build out the support system that stubbornly refused to leave me alone, letting me grieve the changes in my life and, eventually, my mom’s death but also reminding me that I had a life to live. I never would have made it through that time without my chosen family.

On this first day of 5786, my life looks very different. I have a beautiful family, which has been rounded out by our lively and joyful Eliza. This new year is marked with love and gratitude for that family and our community. 

Mom hasn’t been here to see me grow into a wife and mother and I miss her so much. I wish she could have met Eliza, Olive, and Tinnin. I think she would have loved being a grandma and would have seen how remarkable they are already. I especially wish she could have met Stephen. He’s an amazing man who loves all of me unconditionally, something that I thought would never happen. I had nearly given up on finding love and that’s when he came out of nowhere on Bumble, kind and funny and open-hearted. He found me in the midst of the most devastating time of my life and gave me the family that I didn’t think I would have. She would have been proud of the life I’ve built. I honor her memory every day by simply living the best I can and caring for my family and children. 

Shanah tovah!