Two Months

Dear Eliza,

You are two months old today and I just cannot believe how much you have grown. I love watching you discover the world around you. You love your siblings and they adore you. Your sister especially enjoys singing to you and blowing raspberries on your face. 

I also love watching you with your papa. He likes to make silly faces and use funny voices to entertain you. One of my favorite things is when he howls like a wolf while changing your diaper. You’ve also started clinging to both of us like a baby koala when we’re carrying you and it makes me feel so loved. My heart bursts with love and pride every day knowing that you’re here and part of our lives. 

I’m blown away each day by how much my life has changed and how grateful I am for that. I have my own family that I love fiercely and would do anything for. It’s not always easy, but it’s worth going through the anxiety and tears and happiness and everything in between. I just wish your grandma was here to see this. She would have loved you so much. 

I’ve been overwhelmed by how much I love you and want to be a better person for you. I still have many doubts about my mothering abilities, but I’m just taking it one day at a time. We are both lucky to have your papa along with us for this journey. I didn’t grow up with a dad or knew much about him, which was a point of contention between me and your grandma. She raised me with a lot of love and did an amazing job, but I do wish I at least knew his name. At this point in my life, it’s less about meeting him and more about just being able to fill in that part of my family tree. I always told her that while I admired her strength in being a single mom, it wasn’t something I thought I could handle or wanted for any children I might have. That’s why I’m so happy that you have the best papa. He loves you so much and has been an amazingly supportive partner for me as I figure out this parenting thing. 

You may have been unexpected, but you are exactly what I, your papa, your family, your community needed. Always remember how much you are loved. 

Love,

Mama