Day 114

I feel like the entire month of June has been wildly out of character for me. That’s not a bad thing, it’s actually pretty damn amazing. I read some journal entries I made a year ago and things were so different. Mom’s health was declining and I was frantically trying to juggle my own responsibilities with her needs and resenting that I was an only child because I felt so alone. I was also in a pretty unhealthy relationship that finally ended two months later. 

And now? Mom is gone and while I miss her and continue to struggle with the loss, life has brought a lot of unexpected joy. I’m in a loving relationship with a real future and I’m doing things I wouldn’t have even thought about this time last year. Not everything is perfect and there has been a lot of stress, but I’m doing okay. 

Actually, I’m more than okay, I’m thriving in unexpected ways. I feel some guilt writing that; I guess I’m still trying to understand that being this happy so soon after Mom died is okay. It feels wrong in some ways, but I want to keep moving forward. I think she would want that and, perhaps more importantly, I’m breaking that cycle of trauma.