Day 52

My mom died 60 days ago. I buried her 52 days ago.

Roxy died five days ago. I got her ashes two days ago.

I am constantly exhausted and I have so much to do. There are more than a few exciting things coming up, including a couple of trips, but my heart just isn’t in it right now.

It feels like Mom was simultaneously just here and has been gone for a lifetime and it’s the same for Roxy.

I’m trying to give myself the space and permission to grieve the way I need to so that I don’t undo all of the hard work I’ve done fortifying my mental health. Mom sacrificed so much and pushed for me to get the care I needed and I don’t want to let her down. I just wish she was here.

My 36th birthday is in two weeks. It will be the first birthday I have without Mom. I can think of only two other times I didn’t physically spend the day with her, but at least she was here in the world.