Day 36
One of my more recent coping mechanisms has been scrolling through TikTok. To probably no one’s great surprise, my feed is mostly dogs, with some fashion splashed in (because I like living vicariously through people who can afford/are gifted insanely expensive clothing and are also loads more fashionable than I will ever be). However, last night I went down a rabbit hole.
I somehow stumbled across #deadmomsclub and let me tell you, I cried so much last night as I scrolled through the videos.
There are so many questions I have that I want to ask her and I’m sure there will be many, many times in the future when I want to turn to her for advice and she won’t be there.
This one hit especially hard. I’ve been trying to go through stuff and sort out what is going to donations, but it’s hard. Every time I pick up something, I have a memory with my mom attached to it or it reminds me of her and I just can’t let go. My apartment and room are such messes, but I don’t want to give up these material reminders of her or anything that I had while she was alive. I know that’s weird and probably doesn’t make sense, but that’s how scrambled my brain is right now.