Thank You, Mom

Dear Mom,

You would have been 78 years old today. It’s also Mother’s Day, which feels like a double gut-punch. I miss you so much. I wanted to call your cell phone number, even though I disconnected it a year and a half ago. I wish I could talk to you and share about my life. 

I graduated from HUC two weeks ago in New York and cried for you after I went on stage. That was the first educational journey I went through without your support. You died right before orientation and it was hard for me to function in the aftermath of your death, but with a lot of love and grace given to me by my professors and classmates, I persevered. Before the ceremony, Scott, one of my classmates, told me that you would make yourself known. I didn’t really know how, but as Stephen, Eliza, and I walked back to the hotel, we ran into a concert where the singers covered a lot of the music you loved, Aretha Franklin, Stevie Wonder, and more. We stopped and listened for a while and I knew in that moment that you were making yourself known to me. 

We had Eliza’s first birthday party last Sunday. We were surrounded by family and friends who love our little girl. I thought about you and one of my favorite pictures. It was taken at my own first birthday party. I’m stuffing cake into my mouth and you’re smiling proudly. I can feel the love you had for me just by looking at that picture. 

During the party, Tinnin pointed out a cardinal in one of the trees. I saw it too and just knew it was you again, watching as we celebrated your granddaughter’s first year of life. I wish you could have been there to hold her. She’s such a little firecracker already and I can just hear you laughing and telling me that I have a lot of fun to look forward to in the coming years. 

I miss you so much, Mom. On days like today, that grief manifests itself in physical ways as well. But I had you for nearly 36 years and I am proud you were my mom. Thank you for everything. I hope you are proud of me too. 

Love,

Anjelica