Day 207

I did not make it to Yizkor as I had planned. In addition to being sick all day, I also didn’t want to put myself in such an emotionally vulnerable spot, especially since the person I would have wanted most to be with me couldn’t be there. I’ve been crying for Mom at various times the past few days and I’m just tired.

I just expected to have her here for certain milestones and events and she’s gone. If it weren’t for the handful of videos I have on my phone, I would have already forgotten what her voice sounds like. I miss her so much.

I once described her as an immovable boulder, weathering life’s curveballs while I am the soft, chalky stone that crumbles at the first hint of rain. It occurs to me that this is no longer the case. If nothing else, my mom instilled a stubborn persistance in me that has somehow gotten me through some pretty difficult times, something that will be needed in the months and years to come.