Day 83

I met with Rabbi Stern today. I told him about how painful it was to close my mom’s P.O. box online and how it was even more painful when I went to Oak Cliff to get the mail that had piled up for two months. Oak Cliff is where I grew up and it’s where my memories of my mom and grandma are mostly based, but I can’t be there, not right now, and I don’t know when that will change.

I also told him about how long forgotten memories are coming back and he pointed out something that I hadn’t thought about before. He said that every time I think about my mom and every time a memory floats back up to the surface, that’s like saying Kaddish for her. I have stopped saying Kaddish every day for her, mostly because I kept forgetting and it wasn’t really comforting in the way I had hoped, but reframing my memories and every time I think about her as saying Kaddish is even more meaningful. I am grateful for that insight.