Day 55

I don’t understand any of my reactions to my mom’s death 63 days ago. There are times when I cry so hard, I’m shaking. Then there are times when I’m joking and laughing, like nothing ever happened. And there are still more times when I don’t want to be alone, so I’ll go walking Maxine and the traffic sounds soothe me. Of course, there are also those times when I just want to be alone, where I ignore text messages and comfort-watch Youtube videos or scroll through Tik Tok. I’m just not processing this grief the way I thought I would, which sounds strange.

I think I am desperately trying to find reason and logic among the chaos that is my life.