Day 53

I have found that a lot of people want to give me their advice as I navigate this grief journey, which I appreciate. I know it comes from a desire to help and is the way that some people show they care.

One of the best pieces of advice I’ve been given so far is this: take the time to feel your feelings and do what you need to do in order to mourn this huge loss (without isolating yourself, of course.) That may not look like how someone else has mourned or deals with hard times. Sometimes the answer is not forcing yourself out into public and putting on a happy face; sometimes the answer is just curling up on your couch and comfort-watching Try Guys videos. I’ve tried very hard (and am still actively trying) not to isolate myself and my friends have been really good about checking on me and dragging me out when I feel up to it.

One of my biggest fears is backsliding into the throes of depression and undoing the progress I’ve made over the last decade. I relayed this to my psychiatrist and he told me that I don’t give myself enough credit for how much I’ve gone through and how strong that’s made me. I’m trying to remember that, I promise.