Day 128

I went to services last night. I sat with two people who are interested in conversion and answered questions afterwards. That’s one of the parts of my job that I really love. 

Since Mom died, I’ve had a hard time getting through Hashkiveinu, the prayer for peace and protection, and Mi Shebeirach, the prayer for healing. However, I’ve been able to actually sing during Hashkiveinu the last two times I’ve attended and not cry. I still have a visceral reaction to Mi Shebeirach though. I can’t even bring myself to sing and my eyes fill up with tears while I think about how many times I sang that song hoping and praying that Mom would be okay. Now she’s gone. 

July 21st will be the one year anniversary of when my mom was last at home, the home we had in Oak Cliff, and when she went into the hospital. In a cruel twist, the next day, July 22nd, will mark five months since she died. I’m dreading both days, but trying not to dwell too much on them.