Day 126

A couple of weeks ago, I was talking with my boyfriend and I began fidgeting with my hands and sort of picking at my fingers. I don’t even remember what we were talking about, but I know I was worried and at least a little uncomfortable. He gently pulled my hands apart and when I looked at him questioningly, he said that he knew I was fidgeting because I was anxious. He wanted to show me that I was okay and in a safe place. After this last year of taking care of Mom and doing just enough to maintain some semblance of sanity, having someone notice such a small detail made me feel seen and cared for in a way I’ve never experienced before.

I have a lot more I want to say, but this quote that I saved on my phone last August says it all and much better than I ever could:

Let someone love you just the way are — as flawed as you might be, as unattractive as you sometimes feel, as unaccomplished as you think you are. To believe you must hide all the parts of you that are broken, out of fear that someone else is incapable of loving what is less than perfect, is to believe that sunlight is incapable of entering a broken window and illuminating a dark room.

Iain S. Thomas