Day 111

It’s about a month until the one year anniversary of when my mom went into the hospital, which marked the beginning of a year filled with pain, sorrow, and grief. I passed by Parkland Hospital a couple of weeks ago, which was the first time I had seen the building since she was discharged back in September. I didn’t expect to have any sort of emotional reaction, but everything hit at once and it’s like I shut down. All I could think about was how much she went through and wondering if I did enough to help her. I was with someone and didn’t want to cry in front of them, but the tears found a way out as I stared out the window and kept digging my nails into my palm for who knows what reason.

I do find myself spacing out at times, often when something unexpected triggers a memory. I’m still trying to figure out how to process everything, which is going to take a while. I’m just grateful I’m in a good place emotionally and mentally to do so.